Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Second Essay Information
My essay is indeed rough. I know that I need to work on the main points to be clearer and allowing the strengths of it to flow through. Overall though I feel the body does run well together. I give points from my article i'm searching as well as using West's article for support for identity.
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Your essay is well put together so far, and I think it only needs a few fine tweaks. I agree with many points you make, and the context flows pretty well. I think maybe working on the conclusion and a few other rough spots and it should be great!
ReplyDeleteOverall, your essay immediately dives straight into the point. (which I like!) Remember to include more of your blog and how you express it! you mentioned explorer, include some examples. I was impressed how off the bat you included all three sources. Also thank you for introducing West, it didn't seem like it came out of the blue (which I need to do!) Your essay pointed me in the right direction INCLUDE THE CLASSROOM STUFF! anyways you are doing great! keep going whoot whoot!
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